Fucking Big Mistake

So i just made the biggest mistake of my life.. i just beat the person that meant the most to me in my life... my boy friend, the person i told myself i would never lay my hands on.... i don't know what happened.... it was just i didn't understand what was happening, and i couldn't comprehend why he was throwing everything we had worked so hard for away like that after i told him everything i keep close and hidden, and he told me shit to.... i thought everything was going great and then everything just went down the toilet.... i wanted to be with him and then i layed my hands on his beautiful soul.... am i a monster? i dont know.... but i feel so ugly inside.... so ugly....